Cowards

This morning I posted about a personal experience with domestic violence.  When I posted, I made the disclaimer I would remove the post in a few hours because of both the personal nature and the people involved.  I don’t claim to be much of a writer, so when the blog recorded 497 views in 2 hours, I was more than shocked.  Is there really that much violence out there?

I’ve already written that I grew up in a violent home.  Each incident was preceded by copious amounts of alcohol.  I heard from my aunt that my grandfather was occasionally abusive toward my grandmother, but he changed after they had grandchildren.

Even though I have a horrible temper, I’ve never come close to hitting a woman.  My mom told me countless times growing up that I was NEVER EVER EVER to lay hands on a woman.  As I child, I asked if I could defend myself if a girl hit me first, and I was adamantly told “NO!”  Those words have stayed with me and are ingrained into my fiber.  Thank you, mom.

When Christy and I married, she got to witness a few of my anger episodes, which consisted of yelling and throwing things.  I can’t remember what sparked any of them, but I do remember the day she drew the line in the sand.  She said “If this keeps on, we will not be married.”  My wife is the love of my life.  I took her words seriously and sat down with a counselor to talk about my anger.  

If I loved my wife, more than I love myself, as I claimed, I had to sacrifice my right to be angry.  It was that simple.  When I looked at it from that standpoint, it was an easy choice.   And it is a sacrifice I gladly make, every single day.  But as bad as my anger was, it was neither physical, nor verbally, abusive toward her.  I had a fail-safe switch, that forced me to get in the car and drive to the church down the road whenever I felt I was losing control.  There’s something about sitting at a house of worship, even in the parking lot, that grounded my emotions.  

I can only look at the world from one perspective, and that’s mine.  I haven’t had the experiences or influences of other people.  I had a tough childhood, but I didn’t bring the baggage with me.  Anger is something I grasp.  Violence is not.

I do not, nor will I ever, understand a man hitting a woman.  It is wrong on every level.  A man should protect his wife from all harm.  Domestic violence is that insidious demon lurking behind closed doors.  It’s something no one likes to talk about.  It’s embarrassing for the woman who doesn’t want the world to know that man she loves is hurting her.  It goes unreported and unchecked.

I wish I had answers.  I only have questions.

One in four women have experience domestic abuse in their lifetime according to The Domestic Violence Resource Center.   One in four.  I don’t understand.  The more I read about the topic, the more I believe that number is low. 

A friend of mine sent me this video from Pastor Mark Driscoll and he screams “How dare you!!!” multiple times.  I agree.

There is no provocation or excuse that justifies the cowardly act of domestic violence.

Guys, if you’re doing this, seek help…http://www.4angertherapy.com.  Admitting you need help makes you more of a man.  I’d rather my wife think I’m her “Knight in Shining Armor” than the dragon any day.

Ladies, if this is happening to you, seek help…National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or http://www.womenslaw.org.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Marriage Strategy – Little Things

My wife and I have a great marriage.  Do we have the occasional spat?  Of course we do.   Just as muscles grow from putting strain on them, I believe marriages grow just the same. However, this isn’t about fighting, or spats.  It’s about adding to the love bank.

My mom remarried when I was an adult, and I didn’t personally care too much for the guy, however I learned more about how to treat a wife from watching him, than from any other source.  He constantly complimented her.  Whenever he walked in the door, he told her that she was the most beautiful woman in the world.  Wow did she ever eat that up.  She would always wave the compliment off, but she had a grin while doing so.

I brought that “strategy” to my marriage.  I wake my wife up every morning by telling her she is the most beautiful woman in the world (she is!) and I’m very blessed to have her in my life.  Whenever I can, I let her know how beautiful she is to me.   She loves hearing it.  I don’t want some other guy, one day, telling her this without her having heard it from me first.

A few weeks ago while my wife was running errands, I was in the yard working hard, sweating, tired, ready to go inside and cool off.  My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled off the gloves, a little irritated at the interruption.  A text from my wife simply said, “You are my hero.”  Talk about a boost in energy!  I felt a shot of adrenaline shoot through me and I redoubled my efforts to get a two-day job finished in only one.  When she got home, I told her how much I appreciated her text (and that she was the most beautiful woman in the world).  She’s started telling me this whenever I go out of the way to do something around the house, or for her, and each time that same excitement jumps in my heart.

Two simple things that make a huge difference in our marriage.

Be awesome!